


The Rise and Fall of LOLSherlock

by Kantayra



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Ensemble Cast, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-17
Updated: 2011-04-17
Packaged: 2017-10-19 02:20:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/195775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kantayra/pseuds/Kantayra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John starts a new feature for his blog: LOLSherlock.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Rise and Fall of LOLSherlock

**Author's Note:**

> Due to formatting, this fic uses a special style-sheet, which should be the default when you open this page. If this fic displays incorrectly, please click the button labeled 'Show Creator's Style' at the top of the page.
> 
> A fill for [this prompt](http://sherlockbbc-fic.livejournal.com/5564.html?thread=18447804#t18447804) on sherlockbbc_fic. Not to be taken at all seriously.

You are reading all entries of **The blog of Dr. John H. Watson** with the tag **lolsherlock** , with older entries at the top.

  


  
4th June   


Help me settle a bet

For £10: any reasonably intelligent person in their right mind KNOWS WHO WON THE WORLD CUP, Y/N?

26 comments

What? You mean this last one? That’s easy: Spain.

 **Bill Murray** 4 June 6:45

Spain. Everyone knows that.

 **Mike Stamford** 4 June 6:58

Spain. Is this going to be another of your ‘pub night’ stories, John?

 **Sarah Sawyer** 4 June 7:02

Spain. ‘Pub night’ stories?! Dish, dish! ;)

 **Harry Watson** 4 June 7:58

Yes, this IS a ‘pub night’ story! You wouldn’t BELIEVE who didn’t get that question right on quiz night!

 **John Watson 4** June 8:22

It’s pointless trivia. Honestly, John, we’ve had this argument a thousand times already!

 **Sherlock Holmes** 4 June 8:24

LOLSherlock!

 **Harry Watson** 4 June 8:35

Oh, I watched that! Spain! :D It was Spain, right?

 **Molly Hooper** 4 June 9:01

LOLSherlock, indeed! Who *doesn’t* know it’s Spain?

 **Sally Donovan** 4 June 9:33

Seriously, Sherlock? _Seriously?_

 **G. Lestrade** 4 June 9:42

http://justfuckinggoogleit.com/

 **theimprobableone** 4 June 9:42

At least I knew it was some sort of sporting event. What do you people want from me?

 **Sherlock Holmes** 4 June 9:43

It was the FIRST ROUND. You got us eliminated in THE FIRST ROUND! Also, you owe me £10.

 **John Watson** 4 June 9:56

OMG, this is *classic*! I need popcorn…

 **Sally Donovan** 4 June 10:02

Yes, John, are you happy now? You’ve poked your fun at me in front of half the Yard.

 **Sherlock Holmes** 4 June 10:04

No, please. Poke more fun. Poke away!

 **G. Lestrade** 4 June 10:07

Is anyone else saving this in case he flounces? I swear, I’m tacking this up on my WALL!

 **D. Anderson** 4 June 10:10

This should be a new feature on your blog, John! It’s *brilliant*!

 **Sally Donovan** 4 June 10:19

Call it LOLSherlock!

 **Harry Watson** 4 June 10:21

LOLSherlock!

 **Sally Donovan** 4 June 10:22

LOLSherlock!

 **G. Lestrade** 4 June 10:22

LOLSherlock! (That IS fun to say, isn’t it?)

 **Molly Hooper** 4 June 10:23

LOLSherlock, LOLSherlock, LOLSherlock!

 **D. Anderson** 4 June 10:23

The masses have spoken. LOLSherlock, it is.

 **John Watson** 4 June 10:25

I hate you all.

 **Sherlock Holmes** 4 June 10:26

You still owe me £10.

 **John Watson** 4 June 10:28  


  


  
11th June   


LOLSherlock 2

I try to be a reasonable flatmate. You wouldn’t believe some of the things I put up with. However, I do NOT put up with toes in the sugar bowl. HUMAN TOES! Therefore, it is time for another installment of LOLSherlock:

So as of last month, Sherlock still hadn’t done the laundry ONCE. I eventually had a little sit-down strike until he finally agreed to do his share of the chores. About three hours after he’d agreed to this, I realised that I hadn’t seen Sherlock in an awfully long time, so I went to check on him. Guess what? He had somehow managed to separate the laundry into 31 DIFFERENT LOADS. Separated first by type of clothing (a load entirely of socks!) and then by colour and fabric (a load entirely of navy, cotton socks!). When I got there, there were only three pairs of socks in the machine. It would have taken him until next week!

Sherlock is a 28-year-old man who still does not know how to do his own laundry. Say it with me everybody:

13 comments

LOLSherlock!

 **Sally Donovan** 11 June 19:21

LOLSherlock!

 **D. Anderson** 11 June 19:30

How on earth did he survive before he met you? I really do worry about this flatmate of yours sometimes.

 **Bill Murray** 11 June 19:30

LOLSherlock! And don’t worry, Bill, I’m sure Sherlock has ~other ways~ of compensating for his lack of housekeeping skills. ;)

 **Harry Watson** 11 June 19:38

Really, John? Now you’re just being passive-aggressive.

 **Sherlock Holmes** 11 June 19:41

TOES! How am I supposed to make tea?

 **John Watson** 11 June 19:45

An unforgiveable offence!

 **Bill Murray** 11 June 19:49

who cares about that anyways?! my offer is still open, sherlock! you don’t have to stay with this idiot!!

 **theimprobableone** 11 June 19:55

I wouldn’t point fingers too harshly. Certain other people _have_ been known to wear the same jumper for three days straight…

 **Sarah Sawyer** 11 June 19:58

At least I know HOW to wash them.

 **John Watson** 11 June 20:01

Have it your way. You can do the laundry from now on.

 **Sherlock Holmes** 11 June 20:03

OH SNAP!

 **Harry Watson** 11 June 20:05

‘Oh snap’? You’re a grown woman, Harry! And you are NOT getting out of the housework, Sherlock! Don’t even try it.

 **John Watson** 11 June 20:14

LOLJohn! ;P

 **Harry Watson** 11 June 20:18  


  


  
18th June   


LOLSherlock 3

Harry, I’m sorry I had to cut our evening short. I know you love this segment, though, so hopefully explaining WHY our evening got cut short will make it up to you.

So Harry and I were having a lovely dinner that we’ve been trying to schedule for MONTHS. Half an hour into it, I get this text:

Urgent. Come at once. –SH

I ignore it because Sherlock’s definition of “urgent” does not match anything in the OED. A minute later, I receive this:

Urgent! –SH

And then again every other minute a total of 5 times:

URGENT! – SH

Naturally, I start to think that Sherlock’s got himself kidnapped or strangled or God only knows what. I apologise profusely to Harry and RUN back to 221b. And what do I find there? Sherlock lying on our sofa with his violin. No kidnappers. No murderers. Not even a stray pick-pocket. Of course I’m furious and demand to know what this is all about. Sherlock’s response?

“There’s a spider on the end of my bow.”

A SPIDER! He called me out for A SPIDER! That he could easily have smashed himself! It wasn’t even a BIG spider. It was TINY! Seriously, Harry, YOU wouldn’t have been scared to kill it.

20 comments

EEP! *hides* You’re a good husband, John.

 **Harry Watson** 18 June 20:38

I am NOT his husband! Or boyfriend! Or whatever! I am his furious flatmate.

 **John Watson** 18 June 20:45

Do I sense trouble in paradise?

 **Marie Turner** 18 June 20:49

It’s Mrs Hudson again, dear.

 **Marie Turner** 18 June 20:49

You people think you’re funny, but you’re not.

 **John Watson** 18 June 20:54

Spiders? Really? And yet he looks like a kid at Christmas when someone’s head has been bashed in…………

 **D. Anderson** 18 June 20:57

An ellipsis contains only three full stops. Try not to butcher the English language the way you do murder investigations.

 **Sherlock Holmes** 18 June 20:59

Try not to wet yourself next time there’s a spider at a crime scene.

 **D. Anderson** 18 June 21:03

Hey, do you think that would actually keep him away? The unit needs to start keeping a pet spider around!

 **Sally Donovan** 18 June 21:12

My nephew keeps a tarantula…

 **G. Lestrade** 18 June 21:13

Oh, I love tarantulas! They’re so fuzzy! :D You shouldn’t be afraid of spiders, Sherlock. They’re the best way to get rid of fruit flies, and their webs are works of mathematical genius!

 **Molly Hooper** 18 June 21:15

i am totally willing to kill spiders without being a BITCH about it!

 **theimprobableone** 18 June 21:16

EEK! ENOUGH SPIDER TALK! :(

 **Harry Watson** 18 June 21:19

For the last time, I am _not_ afraid of spiders!

 **Sherlock Holmes** 18 June 21:22

Good. Because there’s a big one in the tub right now. How about YOU kill it?

 **John Watson** 18 June 21:28

You spotted it, so you can take care of it.

 **Sherlock Holmes** 18 June 21:29

What a brilliant rule! Why didn’t that apply THIS EVENING?

 **John Watson** 18 June 21:31

D: Is the spider dead yet? Don’t leave me hanging, John! D: D: D:

 **Harry Watson** 18 June 22:01

It’s dead. Guess who DIDN’T kill it? (Hint: the title of this post.)

 **John Watson** 18 June 22:41

:D

 **Harry Watson** 18 June 22:43  


  


  
25th June   


LOLSherlock 4

Without me, Sherlock would die. I have scientific proof. Yesterday, Sherlock did the shopping and returned with:

1\. Marmite  
2\. A head of lettuce  
3\. 5 cans of Red Bull (why 5?!)

Once, I sent him out for milk and he came back with Tampons. TAMPONS! I don’t even want to know what he did with those… Also, once I caught him eating sesame seeds for breakfast. Because that was all he’d picked up the previous day: sesame seeds. Apparently, he thinks that’s shopping. I have calculated that, without my intervention, he would have died of scurvy at least three times over. ALL I ASK IS FOR SOME APPRECIATION!

28 comments

maybe you should appreciate that sherlock is a GENIUS and doesn’t have time to worry about your stupid shopping!

 **theimprobableone** 25 June 12:42

Who the @* ARE you, and why are you trolling my blog?

 **John Watson** 25 June 12:48

no YOU’RE a troll! you look like one & you have the brain of one!

 **theimprobableone** 25 June 12:49

 **theimprobableone has been banned.**

Tampons? Kinky!

 **Bill Murray** 25 June 12:52

Gah! No! BRAIN BLEACH!

 **Sally Donovan** 25 June 12:54

I am officially scarred for life…

 **D. Anderson** 25 June 13:03

Do you two honestly expect to fool anyone that you’re not reading this blog together? At the very least, vary your pattern. Your responses to each other are always exactly 9 minutes apart. Did you somehow suppose that 9 was a magic number that would prevent anyone from figuring it out?

 **Sherlock Holmes** 25 June 13:04

… He’s right. Sally?

 **G. Lestrade** 25 June 13:07

Preach it, brother! Don’t let the man keep you down! Even if he DOES have cheekbones that could cut glass! ;)

 **Harry Watson** 25 June 13:11

I’ll just clear off my sofa again, then, shall I?

 **Sarah Sawyer** 25 June 13:16

Nothing as serious as that. He’s just being a prat. As always.

 **John Watson** 25 June 13:20

We’re out of milk.

 **Sherlock Holmes** 25 June 13:24

!!!!!!!!!!!

 **John Watson** 25 June 13:26

That does not constitute a sentence.

 **Sherlock Holmes** 25 June 13:28

BUY YOUR OWN MILK!

 **John Watson** 25 June 13:29

Capital letters are reserved for the beginnings of sentences and proper nouns. I know you know this, John.

 **Sherlock Holmes** 25 June 13:31

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **John Watson** 25 June 13:32

Now you’re just doing it on purpose.

 **Sherlock Holmes** 25 June 13:33

Brilliant deduction, Sherlock.

 **John Watson** 25 June 13:35

Sarcasm? Really, John?

 **Sherlock Holmes** 25 June 13:36

Marrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrried! :D

 **Harry Watson** 25 June 13:39

How many times do I have to tell you, Harry? It’s not funny!

 **John Watson** 25 June 13:40

No, it really is.

 **Sally Donovan** 25 June 13:45

Take THIS!

 **D. Anderson** 25 June 13:54

Jejune.

 **Sherlock Holmes** 25 June 13:55

Look who’s talking!

 **John Watson** 25 June 13:57

So…who finally got the milk?

 **Sarah Sawyer** 25 June 15:07

Sherlock. FINALLY!

 **John Watson** 25 June 15:48  


  


  
28th June   


LOLSherlock 5? 6? I’ve lost count…

Today I arrived home just in time to see Sherlock, blindfolded, trip over the coffee table and land flat on his face. That is all.

19 comments

He does that sometimes when you’re not around too, dear. ~Mrs Hudson

 **Marie Turner** 28 June 18:21

He’s out of his mind and a freak, what do you expect? Have you given any further thought to picking up a hobby instead?

 **Sally Donovan** 28 June 18:29

JUST BECAUSE I CAN!

 **D. Anderson** 28 June 18:38

I don’t want to know. Do I want to know? I don’t want to know…

 **G. Lestrade** 28 June 18:49

Just out of curiosity, did he say _why_?

 **Sarah Sawyer** 28 June 19:00

It’s an experiment, of course. How could walking around the flat blindfolded banging into furniture NOT be an experiment?

 **John Watson** 28 June 19:05

It wasn’t an experiment. I was merely testing my knowledge of the layout of our flat. In a life-or-death situation where the lights have gone out, such information is crucial.

 **Sherlock Holmes** 28 June 19:07

Well, that’s all right then. As long as it’s to counter nighttime assassins invading our sitting room. What on earth have you got yourself into THIS TIME?

 **John Watson** 28 June 19:14

John, should I be worried? Do you need to come stay with me for a week or two?

 **Harry Watson** 28 June 19:28

It isn’t for a case. It’s merely precautionary.

 **Sherlock Holmes** 28 June 19:31

LOLSherlock!

 **Bill Murray** 28 June 19:36

Right, of course! How could I have forgotten? LOLSherlock!

 **Harry Watson** 28 June 19:43

I really do wish you’d stop this, John. It’s unbefitting. Besides, I don’t even know what I’ve done to provoke you this time.

 **Sherlock Holmes** 28 June 19:45

You were BLEEDING! From your HEAD!

 **John Watson** 28 June 19:48

You two are just too sweet.

 **Sarah Sawyer** 28 June 19:52

Aww, does poor Sherlock have a boo-boo? Don’t worry, baby. Daddy will kiss it ~all~ better! xoxo

 **Anonymous** 28 June 19:55

Lestrade!

 **John Watson** 28 June 20:01

IT is trying to trace it right now!

 **G. Lestrade** 28 June 20:03

You’re all so pwecious! ♥

 **Anonymous** 28 June 20:04  


  


  
29th June   


The end of LOLSherlock

In the interests of not involving this blog in ongoing criminal investigations, I’ve decided to discontinue the LOLSherlock feature. Sorry to all of you who enjoyed it.

4 comments

D: John, what’s going on?!

 **Harry Watson** 29 June 6:23

The _one_ time this mundane blog of yours might be useful, and you shut it down?!?

 **Sherlock Holmes** 29 June 6:24

I’m NOT acting as bait to lure out Moriarty. For the last time, Sherlock!

 **John Watson** 29 June 6:25

Also: Pick one form of punctuation and stick with it. (God, it feels good to finally give you a taste of your own medicine.)

 **John Watson** 29 June 6:26

 **Comments on this post have been frozen.**

  


There are no further entries with the tag **lolsherlock**.


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